Today was a horrible day. From the second I woke up, everything went wrong. One thing built upon the next and before I knew it, I realized I have had the worst day than I have had in recent history.
With each thing that happened, the pressure in my head grew more and more tense. By the end of the day, I was pretty sure I was going to stroke out. I just needed to vent and get it all out of my head and let someone else help me process it and let the pressure go.
I had little helpers throughout the day. Moments of laughter, but the pressure kept building. I found myself questioning my path in life and if I should take a left turn…. from literally EVERYTHING I have been building these last 10+ years.
Do you ever question your path in life? I mean, like REALLY question what you should be doing with yourself? Have you ever spent a large portion of your life going for the sacred carrot only to be left wondering if you should have been chasing a SQUASH?
Ya….that was my day. Actually, in some ways it’s been my whole YEAR. But today I really stopped to question what the hell I was doing!
It was the kind of inner turmoil that usually comes at a crossroads in life.
By the end of they day I’d had it. I started venting my angers and frustrations and wanting to cry and then I heard, “Well it could be worse…you COULD be one of the families in Oregon”.
And just like that, it’s like I didn’t exist. My pain didn’t matter.
Now, before you go off on the HORRIFIC happenings in Oregon, (most recent report at the time of this writing is 10 people were killed in a shooting at Umpqua Community College) believe me when I say that I can’t even SPEAK the amount of anger I feel at this incident. I could write a hundred blog posts on this event and the pain suffered it. And my most heartfelt prayers go out to the families and friends of all affected in this horrible tragedy. I can’t even wrap my head around what is going on in this world……
And to that end, I feel that this very topic could somehow shed light on possible glimpses into the mental anguish leading up to events as this. And that topic would be negating someones pain for that of someone who deserves greater attention.
As I was trying to sift through my brain, the simple mention of Oregon stopped me in my tracks and made me feel like…well..an asshole for having frustrated feelings. But the truth is, if you could feel what was going through my body, the anguish, the frustration, the animosity, the fear, the FAILURE…… Do I ditch all that inside myself and move on for the greater good of others? Is my pain so little, so dismissable that I should just “suck it up?”
…..but what if I CAN’T…. What then?
I have a few friends who are going through terrible pain and suffering. Random and frequent anxiety attacks, severe migraines, inability to function like a normal human beings on a daily basis. I have a friend who recently became a paraplegic. Can we diminish their pain to someone who has “greater” pain?
When Bruce Jenner came out and decided to end his personal struggle with gender identity, he threw himself onto the mercy of the public and stated that he was going to make “the change”. Yet when he did and resurfaced himself as “Caitlyn”, only his picture was posted up against war heroes and his suffering was diminished for “the greater good”.
In one picture, his multi-decade-long battle with gender identity and inner suffering and struggle was shown as “ridiculous”. But I guarantee you, it wasn’t ridiculous to HIM. He didn’t come out to just his family and friends. He came out to a whole world who witnessed his greatness in the Olympics. The man who was the poster child for success. His face was on cereal boxes and many a child looked up to him as a hero! This is a man who had more to lose in shame than most anyone you could think of.
Yet his pain and suffering was negated by someone who felt he didn’t deserve to be called “brave”.
I’m not here to say Bruce or Caitlyn is a hero. Or that I’m martyr. I’m simply saying that we deserve a bit of time to mourn for ourselves so that we can grow!
If we are dealing with inner turmoil, it shows that we actually have a soul and that we care. But if those around us diminish our pain and don’t help us process it, then we are more likely to turn it all inward like we don’t matter!
And I’m going to be brave here and say that I DO matter. As well as anyone else who is spending every ounce of their own energy trying to get through the day.
We all deserve a little pity party and we deserve to be told, “I’m sorry you feel that way” and maybe be offered a hug. Sometimes that’s all it takes to make it all better. To know that we are worth a few minutes in someone’s day to lend an ear or hold a hand or give a hug. We don’t have to understand someone’s pain. Just show an ounce of compassion.
Don’t negate someone’s pain no matter how small you think it might be. Because in the greater scheme of things, though their pain isn’t as great as the next guy…that’s only your opinion.
Everyone you know is fighting a battle on some level. And the brave ones are the ones who speak out. So please do your best to listen. You never know when you will need THEIR ear in return.