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What are you looking at?

I wish I knew what was in people’s’ heads.  We are all unique, amazing human beings.  We are all born with gifts and talents; some that come to fruition…and some that never develop.

We all have strengths, we all have weaknesses….  One weakness I wish we would all lose that would instantly change everything….. is …..


Now, it’s not unnatural to look elsewhere for guidance.  I did that all my life.  For some reason, I gravitated towards strong women, or women I saw as strong, and I tried to emulate their traits.  I was definitely hungry for female guidance, and I’m fairly certain that not all the women (many of which were my older brothers’ girlfriends) realize how they impacted my life.

We all have the ability to help each other grow.  To admire and work towards is healthier than to covet what someone has.  And yes, I’m sure I had my fair share of that as well, in fact, I KNOW I did….  I looked to others who seemingly had more than I – and I wished I were them at times.

But here’s where wisdom comes in…..

I’m a people watcher.  I don’t just watch for short periods of time… I keep tabs.  YES…I am aware that sounds creepy.  And I’d like to defend myself, only I can’t.  I witness a lot, I talk a lot and I listen a LOT…and I have done this for many years.  And here is what I have found….. I’m not sure you are ready for this, but I’m just going to rip the band aid off and let ‘er rip……


No matter who you stare at, who you try to be, what you witness, what you think you see…the truth is, we ALL have our struggles to deal with and our crosses to bear!!!

My girls are teenagers.  Their minds got me thinking about this.  One day I was talking to my daughter about one of her friends (this was years ago, so bear with me).  She said, “Did you know Elle is getting an iPhone?  I said, “oh really?”… she said, “Ya…she’s so LUCKY” …..

Only I knew “Elle” (no real names here people, that would be stupid).  “Elle” had a lot going on her life that my child wasn’t privy to.  In my opinion (and yes I have a lot of them but I don’t speak them often) there was a bit of “overcompensation” going on in Elle’s life.  Over compensation for the turmoil and sadness that I was made aware of.  Only I didn’t disclose this to my child, because she was young and frankly, didn’t need to know.

But to that end… I want to give you some examples of “I wish…vs Reality”. And I will sum them up in true examples with no names mentioned…..These are not from my kids, but from many examples from both kids and adults over my years of ‘keeping tabs’….

I wish we had a bigger house like “X” …. X doesn’t own their house, they are renting

I wish I had LuLu Lemon’s like “X” … X spent a few months earning them and only owns one pair that she wears frequently

I wish I had a big house like “X” … “X” wants to sell their house and get a view like ours

I wish my parents were more like “x”.  The parents of “x” just announced their divorce

I wish I had a husband like “x”.   I have too many examples to place here… Marriage is never perfect and  the best advice I ever got over marriage was, “Our marriage is strong because I never turned away from my spouse”…. look at each other…not everyone else.

Have you ever found yourself doing this???  It’s CRAZY making.  I have SO MANY MORE examples, and some are quite personal, but I’m trying to keep this at least PG rated.

I’m saddened that we cannot be grateful for what we have.  And that starts as simply as our breath…..

My kids already have more than I did growing up… they have GRANDPARENTS.  Mine had all passed by a very young age or weren’t in state and I had little relationship with them.  We were fortunate enough to inherit some amazing people who pseudo adopted us.  They were amazing role models and I’m indebted to their family for letting us be a part.

There is a lot of self-hatred in today’s society.  Today, I was hit a few times, emotionally and I had to pick myself up by the bootstraps.  But that skill was laid upon me by the many who helped raise me.  Including, but not limited to, my parents, my siblings, my friends, my brothers’ girlfriends, and anyone around me who made me think….

I have found in my life that many are afraid to be who they are in the face of others.  I’m beyond sad for those people.  Because that tells me you don’t have the right support around you and you don’t have the right support WITHIN you…..


If you are looking toward something external to make you happy…then something internal needs to be fixed.

If you think ANYONE has it better than you… we need to talk… Some of my most SOLID, GO TO people on this planet…have fallen off the edge and had secrets that would make your toes curl.

Life is not what it seems people.  Life is what YOU MAKE IT!

I’m on my own personal journey right now, because I’m feeling lost with my kids growing independence.  I spent most of today feeling sad and even empty.  I didn’t have a proper plan for myself.  But I’m working on it now.

We ALL have a gift to contribute in this world.  It’s time to stop looking around at everyone else, and start asking yourself the tough questions.  If you find that most of your time is spent complaining, then CHANGE IT!

We come into this world alone…and we leave this world alone.  Between now and your departure…what do you want your story to be? Do you want it to be that you stared at what everyone else had, and felt empty as a result?  Or do you want it to be that you….YOU made a difference in this world.  That YOU left your mark with YOUR gifts and YOUR talents…. Not the ambitions of others…but YOURS!!!

My heart is with the many kids who inspired this post.  I have had the privilege of speaking with many and hopefully setting them straight.  But shit trickles down…so who’s feeding them the crap?

Own your shit. Make a change. Be GREAT… be like YOU….everyone else is taken….