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Robin Williams

You know; it’s been a few weeks since the passing of Robin Williams.

When I heard the news I was dumbfounded.  I didn’t want to believe it.  So many thoughts went through my mind, I literally couldn’t process it.  And the truth was….I didn’t want to.

For weeks, I avoided any links to him.  Everyone posted on Facebook, and I couldn’t fathom watching.  I didn’t want to give him the dignity, as he took something very precious from me when he died….  OBLIVIOUSNESS….

There is so much we don’t understand about life.  We look to each other to try and get through.  There is nary a day when I don’t talk to SOMEONE to help stabilize some frantic thought in my brain.

Life is hard.  I think we all know that!  Sometimes there are literally MINUTES that seem like weeks.  Yet somehow, we survive.  Even though there are times we don’t want to.  We just do…..

When I was pregnant with my second daughter, I was terrified.  HOW was I going to handle two small beings, who relied on me completely for their every need?  I remember looking at my mother in law and asking her, “How did you do it, raising two children?” And her words didn’t hit me before her expression did.  In that short few seconds, she looked away from me as if to remember her past and how she’d raised two self-sustaining boys…. and she looked back at me and simply said…”You just DO!”

I will never forget that moment…or the years that filled beyond that.  And she was right.  You just DO!  You figure it out.  You manage.  You cope.  You just DO!

I was very grateful for that moment, because I realized that we are all weak, and in some way filled with fear and insecurities.

So, to judge Robin Williams for his abrupt departure would be hypocritical.  Because, truth be told, I think we can all reflect back at some point in our lives and realize that we once felt too weak to go on.

But the irony in the Robin Williams departure is that HE is the one that brought us hope.  He, in his OH SO MANY ways brought us moments of solace….of reflection…..of laughter.  He made us take our frail moments…..and made us forget….

Forget that we are human; forget our fears; commiserate with our pain and make us feel that we are NOT alone!!

He played SO many roles – roles that made us laugh, reflect…and God forbid…FEEL!!!  He played shallow roles like Mork, and Deeper roles like in “Good Will Hunting”.  He made us hopeful in “Mrs Doubtfire”, and he let us mourn in “Patch Adams”, and “What Dreams May Come”.

Every time there was an interview with Robin, you’d sit back and wonder where his brain would take him.  From my perspective, the man was never “Off”.  He was always “On”.   And maybe, just maybe, that was the problem.

To increase knowledge is to increase pain…..

Robin was well known for his comedic ability.  I’m sure he was aware that people ‘expected’ his quick wit.  With expectations, increases pressure.

It is entirely possible that the pressure was just a little too much.  And the truth is, we will never know.

But as an artist myself, I realize that I’m ever and increasingly critical on myself.  I see my work and I wonder, “what’s next”? I’m constantly praised by my offerings, but I’m plagued with my insecurities, as are many artists.

Thankfully, I’m on a small scale, compared to Robin Williams.  And I’m sad and angry at his early ‘dismissal’, because I just wonder for a moment, if he realized his brilliance?  Did he realize the millions of people he has touched through his wide variety of work offerings.

My heart completely goes out to his family and friends for their loss.  There hasn’t been a day since he passed that I haven’t thought of him in one way or another.  My goal at this point is to approach his passing with less anger and resentment.

I’m sorry he felt the need to relieve himself of his pain.  I will never know the anguish that pursued him.  And I would NEVER wish that anguish on my worst enemy.   For, to make the decision to “electively depart”, one must be in terrible, inconsolable pain….

My wish for Robin would simply be this: To know the joy and laughter he brought so many.  To know the love and support of his following.  To know that any one of us would have loved to take his pain away.  And to have him know what an amazing and heartfelt offering he brought to the world.

I’d like to say that I will accept his passing…. but my soul isn’t ready to let him go.

If you are feeling empty and down, PLEASE seek help before you leave your loved ones wondering what they could have done differently to help you stay present.

I love you Robin Williams.  For all the years of laughter, hope and tears that you have brought to my heart.  You were amazing beyond all that you realized!  May you rest in peace and love forever!

Many hugs to your family and friends….and the worldwide audience whom you graced us with your greatness.